How Can Intimacy create Lifelong friendships?

We are all advised as children to beware of strangers. Our parents have always told us to keep a safe distance from people whom we do not know. While that may seem like golden advice, I don’t think there is any advice that has affected relationships between individuals as much as that statement has done.

The advice that you should beware of strangers is something universal. Every individual at some point has received it. It doesn’t matter which part of the world you belong to. We all have been told to beware of strangers at some point in our lives. One of the greatest misfortunes that have happened is that intimacy has not become possible because of this strange advice. Intimacy is the key ingredient to all relationships in life.

Whether it is the relationship between lovers, friends, parents and kids, husbands and wives, does not matter. If intimacy does not exist, then all relationships are bound to lose flavour at some point.

  • Everybody is a Stranger:

One of the most basic understanding is that we are all strangers. Whether you personally know someone or not, that doesn’t matter. The only difference is that there are known strangers and unknown strangers. A random person walking on a street is an unknown stranger.

Your parents, friends, lovers are all known strangers, but what difference does it make. Whether known or unknown, ultimately, we are all strangers to each other. In fact, we do not know ourselves either.

This understanding that everybody is a stranger brings a sense of meaninglessness to one’s life. One feels as though one is alone on this earth. Forget everybody else, one feels as though one does not have his own self. What is the point of living on this earth where we are all strangers to each other?

  • A Blessing in Disguise:

The fact that we are all strangers may seem like a curse, but it really isn’t. The realisation that we are all strangers for the first time will give you a feeling of fearlessness.

All this while, the reason why you were unable to relate to people is because you created a division between the people who were known to you and the stranger. When this division disappears, then, for the first time, there is a possibility of relating with each individual that you come across because there is nothing to lose.

  • Open yourself up to a stranger:

When a person has nothing to lose, only then he can open up with another person. Right now, you feel as though you have too much to lose, but you really don’t.

We come into this world empty-handed and yet, for some strange reason we all feel like we’re loaded.

Yes, certainly, we are all loaded, but not with any kind of wealth, but simply junk. If you are willing to keep your junk at the cost of losing an opportunity to be intimate with a human being, then perhaps, you must be the world’s greatest coward.

Therefore, one should always be open and receptive to existence and everything that it has to offer. When you walk on the street, smile at people, and do everything you can to initiate conversation. I have seen people walk the streets like zombies. People seem almost dead, lifeless, and roaming around as though the entire world’s load is upon their shoulders.

We need to create a world full of joyful, fun loving and playful people – only then life will become meaningful.

  • Always be The First one to take the Initiative:

When it comes to being intimate with a stranger, always be the first one to take initiative. Don’t wait for the other person to open up. Always be the first one to open up to the other person – this will give the other person the courage to be open.

If you are open to another individual right from the beginning, then there is a higher chance of you having a lifelong relationship with the person. When I say lifelong, I am not only referring to the length of time that your friendship will last, but also the quality of it. Any relationship when initiated in openess is lifelong in the sense that even if it ends someday, there will be no felling of bitterness towards the other person. Neither will the other person feel bitter towards you. The separation will be out of mutual understanding and love for each other. By lifelong, all I mean is that it would be impossible for you to create an enemy out of the other person. Enmity brings life to a standstill. Two persons who are enemies are almost dead. It is

Therefore, from a certain persective, the relaionship becomes lifelong because although the friends depart, the friendship and love still remains and even if these two people meet after decades, they will be able to continue their friendship from where they left. In fact, often, the separation brings a completely new freshness to the friendship.

  • Showing your True Colours:

The reason we create enemies is because people start to show their true colours after a certain time has passed. After a few months or years, you feel as though the person is no longer the same from the time you met them – this is what creates enmity.

When you are true to a person right from the beginning, totally open, honest, not trying to hide anything, then the chances of losing the other person is very rare. In fact, it would be impossible for the other person to let go of you, simply because in this world full of fake people, it is rare to find a person who is as open as you are.

In this world where everybody is trying to hold on to things, you are among those rare individual’s that has nothing to lose. Only such a person, who has nothing to lose can create lifelong friendships. Yes, others may consider him to be an enemy, but from his side, there will be no enmity.

  • Friendships have no Goodbyes:

The first relationship that arises out of intimacy is friendship. Friendship is in fact, a necessary relationship for every other relationship to be possible. If friendship does not exist, then love is impossible.

Love always has a beginning and an end. Lover’s are bound to say goodbye someday because their love is based on certain ulterior motives. A woman may fall in love with a man because she may have the desire for sex, financial security, or perhaps she may have the desire to raise a child.

A man may fall in love with a woman because she is beautiful, or because he may just need someone’s shoulder to cry on. It does not matter how superficial or profound your desire is, a desire is a desire.

Friendship is free from all desire and therefore if a relationship is based on friendship, there is every possibility that the relationship will never end. A relationship based on friendship is timeless. It has a beginning but no end.

  • Final Words:

From the place I stand, friendships have always been significant. But always remember that the friendship can only have significance if it is based on intimacy. If you do not have the quality to be intimate, open and honest, then even friendship is not possible. Then even friendship is nothing more than a meaningless “hi” or “hello” just for the sake of formality.

What are your views on intimacy, and how has it changed your relationships with people? Do share your views in the comments down below, or shoot me an email on

Also, if you want me to write an article on a specific issue that you’re going through in life, do let me know via email, and I’ll be glad to share my insights with you.

Why are people afraid of Love?

There are thousands of things in the world that make life beautiful but none of them can be compared with love. Love is the ultimate bliss that life makes possible to man. Unfortunately, for most of us, love has proven to be a bitter experience to say the least. Falling in love seems almost like getting oneself into unnecessary problems. This is why most people settle down for substitutes.

One thing is certain that man and woman cannot live without love. Therefore, if love does not happen between human beings, then people start creating substitutes. When I say that you create substitutes, what I mean is that you start associating love with things which are mostly materialistic.

People use the word love when talking about materials. What do they mean when they say, I love food, I love wine, I love football, I love playing video games and so on? The list of things that we love is endless. We are living in a strange world where people fall in love with everything but human beings.

Why does this happen? That is exactly what I will be discussing in today’s article.

  • The Higher and Lower Forces:

A human being at every stage of his life is being pulled continuously by two kinds of forces: The lower and higher. The lower forces have a great impact on man’s life because they force man to live in mediocrity. To live in mediocrity is very simple because we are used to living like that since the time we are born. Mystics say that we have been living like that for lifetimes.

Therefore people easily get addicted to drugs, alcohol, and all kinds of things that make life more mediocre. Mediocrity is comfort, but comfort brings death. Thousands of people in the world choose to live a mediocre life because in mediocrity there is no challenge involved.

Love is the greatest challenge there is because in love one rises to the ultimate peaks. Love is a higher force that keeps pulling man upwards. The problem is that people are afraid of heights. Phobia of heights is not only a fear of physical heights, but also metaphysical heights as far as the spiritual world is concerned.

Being afraid of heights is a phobia that exists in every person because the higher you go in life, the greater is the danger. Love is challenging because in love there is a fear of falling down.

  • The Fear of Death:

Love is the ultimate death. The physical death does not take away much from a man apart from his body. Love, on the other hand, takes everything from you that had value. One of the greatest treasures that love takes away from you is your ego. The ego is not really a treasure, but the fact that so many of us cling to it is what makes the ego seem so attractive.

People would rather die than let go of their ego – this is the problem. You can either have one of the two things. You can choose love and give up the ego or vice-versa. From what I have observed, a majority of the people in the world choose the ego. They then start playing with toys. They start associating love with all kinds of toys.

They fall in love with non-existential things. The beauty of falling in love with food, cars, video games and all of these things is that they do not respond back to you. Some people fall in love with pets because pets can be controlled. You cannot control a man or a woman like you can control a pet.

  • In love, all fantasies disappear:

In love, all fantasies disappear which is why people are afraid of love. When you are far away from a man or a woman your mind can imagine a thousand and one things. It can make even an average looking woman seem sexy. Even a man that is not attractive in any way can have you drooling because the way people present themselves and the way they really are, are two completely different things altogether.

To just be infatuated by external beauty is simple but the real challenge is to live with a person who is full of flaws. The truth is that all human beings are full of flaws. You will rarely come across a human being that is flawless. The entire art of love lies in recognising that one quality in a person in the midst of hundreds of flaws.

The light of one candle no matter how small can light thousands of candles. In the same way, that one quality that exists in a human being is enough to transform the entire person if you love him.

  • When you love a person…

When you love a person, even a thousand flaws don’t matter because love is the ultimate alchemy there is. If your love is true, then the person who you love will become one of the most perfect human beings because love only knows perfection.

Perfection is the language of love. Love knows no such thing as imperfection. I have heard a lot of people tell me that they have tried loving a person and the person did not change at all. That is right. Your love may not necessarily change another person but it definitely changes a lot of things in you.

Therefore, In my own life, I have always tried to love as much as I could without being concerned about the other person. Yes, the other person may change as a result of my love, but my intention was not to change the other person. The joy of loving another person is not the fact that the person may change as a result of your love. If that is the case, then your love will become goal oriented.

If you are seeking to change another person by your love, then your love will become a forced love. Forced love is more worse than hate. When you force love, you are not really loving instead you are trying to prove yourself superior to the other person.

  • Observing Nature, You will Understand what Love is:

Nature is the greatest master that man can ever surrender to. An individual who can carefully observe nature will learn everything that life has to teach. All the religious scriptures of the world are nothing compared to this vast existence itself. This existence is the greatest scripture of the world… far more valuable and profound than your Quran, Gita or Bible.

If you ever observe nature, you will notice that it never forces love. For example, a tree bears hundreds of fruits but it stays where it is. It does not go from one person to another trying to force them to eat its fruit.

Similarly, a river keeps flowing but it does not force anybody to drink from it. If anybody needs water, the river is always available and open. That is how love is. Love is an open phenomenon.

Love is the only celebration where no invitations are sent, but everybody is welcome to the party. If someone does not participate in the celebration, love does not feel sad. Do you think just because you’ve not eaten a fruit from a particular tree that the tree feels sad? I don’t think so. The tree goes on dancing whether you eat its fruit or not. The apple tree won’t feel jealous if you eat a mango from a neighbouring tree. In that sense, trees seem to be far more sensible and compassionate than human beings.

  • Forced love always places the blame on another:

As human beings we always want to force ourselves on others. In that very attempt to force love, love is destroyed. You then place the blame on the other person. You make the other person feel like a victim just because they couldn’t participate in your love. This is simply illogical and foolish.

Love never blames the other person. Love gives itself totally, but never expects the same from the other. This attitude of not forcing itself on another person is what gives love its beauty. The entire process of transformation that happens in love lies in the fact that love is very simple.

  • Final words:

When you love, don’t think in terms of changing the other person. When you love, simply love and you will see that a lot of things start to happen which seemed almost impossible.

If your love is goal oriented, then you will immediately become afraid because that goal may not be fulfilled. A fear will arise in you and you will avoid every opportunity to fall in love.

When you love, keep all your expectations, fears and cowardice aside and drown yourself in the experience completely. One thing is certain that as a result of deep love, whether the other person transforms or not, your life will certainly be transformed.

Also, if you’re single don’t think that love is not possible for you. In fact, love is the only possibility there is for a person who is alone. When you have a partner, your love is confined to a single human being, it is addressed. When you’re single, your love is neither confined nor addressed – this gives your love a certain vastness. Out of this vastness, if a human being happens to participate in your love, it will be one of the greatest feeling ever.

Existence does not Give Birth to Mediocre People!

Eat, drink, and be merry is one of the mantras that a lot of us follow. As far as my own understanding goes, this mantra is a major hit among people that love to live in mediocrity. It is usually followed by people that do not understand the depth of life.

Most people in the world live almost like animals: Eat, Drink and reproduce and die. The reason the world is suffering is not because of criminals, rapists or murderers as much as it is because of these “Eat, Drink and Be Merry” kind of people. Mediocrity is one of the greatest crimes. A criminal may someday become a sage, but a mind that is mediocre has no hope.

  • A coward always remains a Coward:

A coward always remains a coward. There is no hope for a coward. This life is only lived by two categories of people – Mystics and Sinners. I have used the word Mystics because saints are not really saints. All saints are mediocre individuals who are simply trying to pretend.

A mystic is a person who is completely devoted towards living a religious life and a sinner is a person who is completely devoted towards living a sinful life. For a sinner there is hope that he may turn back from his sin someday.

  • God Loves the Sinner:

You may have heard the phrase, “God loves the sinner”. I always wondered the reason why God loved the sinner. I then realised that a sinner is really a very simple human being. He is not concerned about his reputation in society. He is not concerned about anything.

A sinner is someone who is searching for God in all the wrong places and that is the reason why he commits sin. If someday, he encounters a mystic; his life will take a complete 360 degree turn.

  • No Hope for the Mediocre:

The reason I emphasised so much on the sinner and mystic is to give you a simple understanding that in life you can either belong to one of the two categories. If you are a mediocre person there is no hope for you.

Years ago, a colleague of mine and I were discussing about this while we were in the office cafeteria having our breakfast. My colleague was working for a good post in the organisation. I told her that it must feel great to work for a prestigious post. She told me that it was all futile. I remember her telling me, that in life only two kinds of people succeed: Either the extremely intelligent kind of people or the geniuses as we call them, or the failures, and dropouts.

She told me that as far as she was concerned, she had always been an average person. Even in school she was just average. She told me that If she had to choose she would either choose to be a topper of the class or a failure, but unfortunately she was just average. This whole being average thing remained with her even as she grew older. So, although, she was at a good post, she wasn’t really happy with life.

  • The Moment of Realisation:

The conversation I had with her gave me tremendous insight. I could see the truth in her words. I began to look back at my entire life and I noticed how I too fell into the same category of the mediocre kind of people.

Immediately, in that moment, I felt a tremendous sadness descend on me. Since that day, I started to do everything I could rise above my mediocrity. I didn’t want to be old someday and realise that I had wasted my entire life. I tried my best to do whatever I could in order to grow and be more.

  • Small Events in Life can be Crucial:

This conversation with my colleague happened back in 2013. I now look back at those days and realise how, even small events in life can be so crucial. If you really pay attention to life, you will notice that life always has profound lessons to teach us in order that we may rise above our mediocrity.

This colleague of mine was a very brilliant woman. She was not mediocre in any way, but she was way too identified with the fact that she was average. If she wanted to, she could immediately decide to give up her mediocrity, but perhaps the idea that she was just “average” had been ingrained deeply into her being.

  • No Human Being is Average:

Years later, I realised that no human being is really average. Existence does not produce average minded people. Existence does not give birth to cowards. It does not give birth to the “Eat, Drink and be Merry” kind of people. In fact, all of these things are actually social conditionings. Mediocrity is not our nature, but in fact, a social conditioning.

Always remember that the society that you live in is very mediocre, and because we live according to the society, we feel that we too are just mediocre.

  • You are More than what You Think You are:

For a moment, if you can imagine yourself to just be the way you are, without any conditionings, you will notice that you are more than what you think you are. When I say that, I do not mean it in an egoistic sense.

When I say that you are not mediocre, I don’t mean to say that you are some kind of a God. All I mean is that you are unique. Just like you, everybody else is unique as well. Hence, there is no reason to be arrogant about it. The moment you become arrogant, again you fall into the trap of mediocrity.

  • Final Words:

I want you to simply look at yourself just as you are. Don’t try to attach any kind of a label on yourself, because all labels are social conditionings.

The moment you associate yourself with labels, immediately you will become mediocre. Intelligent people do not need to live with labels. For an intelligent man, his intelligent is enough to support his whole life. Only a mind that is mediocre requires labels.

The day you realise that you are not mediocre; a profound sense of wellbeing will descend upon you. That will be a day of tremendous celebration because the day you realise your capabilities as an individual is the day you take the first step on the path towards self-awakening. From that day onwards, there is no looking back.

Let me know what are your views on this. When did you first realise that you were not mediocre? Do let me know in the comments down below. If you are facing any struggles in life, or if you feel like you are unable to overcome certain challenges, do let me know via Email at and If possible I’ll write an article answering your question. Your identity will be kept confidential.

Thank you for stopping by!

Silence – the Origin of All Creativity!

It has been a long time since I last wrote about creativity. I would like to talk a little more on the subject today. Creativity is one of the most ignored subjects. You will not find a lot of people talk about it, simply because not a lot of people really understand what it means to be creative.

In today’s article, I am going to talk about silence which is one of the most fundamental qualities required in order to discover your creative side.

  • Creativity in Silence:

The capacity to be silent is the capacity to be creative. A man who can be silent will notice a lot of changes in his life. This is why all mystics have emphasised so much on meditation. Meditation has been one of the basic teachings of all sages. Certainly, there must be a deep insight behind their emphasis.

Meditation calms the mind and reduces the flow of thoughts – this is what leads to silence.

Once silence dawns upon your being, then something inside you begins to surface. Never before did you ever know that something like this ever existed within you.

Only a selected few individuals in the world who have the capacity to be silent can discover this hidden treasure that lies within them.

The world that we’re living in has become too noisy. People are trying all possible ways to avoid silence. Perhaps this is why you do not get to hear any good music these days. Everything is just sensual. Sensuality is a result of chaos. Creativity is the result of silence. Therefore, all talk about creativity in today’s world is just talk. Creativity, in the world that we’re living in, or as we understand it to be is nothing more than sensuality.

  • Human Beings are Miniature Versions of this Earth:

An individual can be likened to the earth. The earth may seem hard and full of soil and impurities, but the same earth that is not so visually pleasing gives birth to all the things in life that we enjoy today. Billions of trees have their roots in the earth. The beauty of the tree comes from that part which is almost always ignored and mostly invisible. Not just trees, but a human being himself has his roots in the earth.

Your body is nothing but a miniature version of this earth. The moment you learn to be silent, you automatically go inwards. This going inwards is like digging the earth. It is like digging into yourself, but with no effort at all. Just being silent does the trick.

To achieve something in the outside world, you need to do thousand and one things, but as far as discovering your inner qualities are concerned, all you need to do is be silent.

  • Skill and Creativity:

Creativity is not a quality that is developed as a result of leaning a certain skill. In fact, it is just the opposite. The more skilful you are, the less creative you will be because skill is a substitute for creativity. Those people who do not know how to be silent develop skill.

If you try to learn to play a musical instrument from a university, you will never know what it is to be a musician. Similarly, if you learn how to paint, you will never understand what it is to be a painter.

Music, art, poetry are all secondary – your primary concern should be, “how do I become silent?” Once you have learnt how to become silent, you will gradually become creative and then there is no harm in learning a certain skill.

Creativity always precedes skill, but a majority of people in the world think of it in the exact opposite way. The moment you see a musician play a guitar, suddenly, even you feel like playing the guitar. Or if you hear someone sing, even you try to take singing lessons – all this is simply foolish.

First, find that part of yourself which is creative, and then develop the skill. Skill is that which helps you express your inner being better, but before you express something that is inside of you is it not important to first find out what exactly is inside you?

  • Final Words:

All creativity originates in silence. The first step is to become silent. Once you have learnt to become silent, suddenly creativity starts to reveal itself to you. Once you have found that part of you which is creative, then develop the skill to express that part of yourself.

These are the ways in which an individual can grow and become more in life. Although, the key here is silence. Silence precedes everything. Without it, creativity is just a dream, and skill is nothing but a false mask to pretend that you are creative.

The ONE Quality that Helps your love Grow and stay Free from Attachment

Attachment is one of those things which has caused great harm to relationships all over the world. A man and woman have barely fallen in love, a few months, or years go by and things start to get bitter.

We all hope that love should last forever, but somehow, there seems to be nothing more temporary than love. We go through our entire life in such a way that love keeps slipping away from our hands.

In the midst of all this chaos that is part of our love affair, we often wonder if there is a way to help our love for our partner grow rather than deplete as years pass by. The answer to that can be both simple and complicated depending on how we organise our own lives.

  • Love is a Serious Affair:

Love is a serious affair. When you fall in love with someone, very rarely do you ever fall in love just for the sake of love. Love has a certain motivation behind it. A human being may fall in love to fulfil his or her sexual desires, or he may fall in love so that he could create a family, or he may fall in love because he may have a large amount of property and therefore, before he could die, he wants to make sure that his children can inherit his property so that he can continue his legacy even after his death.

Love is a very serious affair. It is one complicated phenomenon. If love happened only for the sake of love, then perhaps love would have been something eternal. The transitory nature of love comes due to man and woman’s endless demands and expectations.

Do not get me wrong here. I’m not saying that it is wrong to have desires; all I’m saying is that we have given way too much priority to our desires. This is what has made love a serious affair.

  • Desires Create Attachment:

Because of the fact that we’ve prioritised our desires, unknowingly, we create attachments. We have often heard that love should be free from attachment, but to most of us, that sounds too good to be true. Even the idea that love can exist without attachment is impossible for us to imagine.

Understanding attachment becomes simple if we understand desires. How can you create attachment with your partner when in the first place you have no desires or expectations from them? If you contemplate on that for a while, you will find that ultimately, the reason why love affairs turn into hate affairs is because of our grips being tightly held against our desires.

  • Don’t make Love a Serious Affair:  

Love is not meant to be taken seriously. It is not your university examination or your job interview. Seriousness is part of the ordinary world. Love is not a worldly affair.

Love is a divine affair. It is not a business deal, it is more like poetry, or music. Therefore, don’t destroy the purity of love by trying to impose your own petty desires onto it.

Fall in love with a man or a woman with no idea about the future at all. Don’t plan beforehand on how many kids you want to have, which school you will send your kids to study and things like that. All these are arrangements. Love is not an arrangement. Love is spontaneous.

Become one with the flow of love, and you will see that as days and years go by, the love, intimacy and understanding between you and your lover grows deeper.

  • Friendship helps Love grow deeper:

Only an individual, who understands what being friendly is, understands what non-seriousness means. The quality of being friendly is one of the essential qualities for love to reach fruition.

Unfortunately, love withers long before it could even come to fruition. Friendliness helps the love between two individuals to grow deeper without creating any attachment. This is one of the strangest things about being friendly towards someone. In being friendly, you are not at all holding on to your friend and yet, for some reason, the friend keeps coming back to you.

This world is round and there is nowhere a person can run. You are so afraid that your partner will run away from you, but where can they run? If the quality of friendliness exists between two partners, no matter where they go, a subtle yet strong thread keeps them held together always.

  • Final Words:

Love can become a great adventure and one of the most liberating experiences if people can learn to be simple and friendly. If human beings can become a little playful and non-serious, all ugliness that is part of your love will disappear.

Always remember that love is eternal. Love lasts forever, but unfortunately, lovers don’t. The reason lover’s don’t last forever is because they do not take the time and effort to understand the eternalness of love, and the art of becoming one with it

The eternalness of love is only understood when the mind strives towards becoming free from all attachments. When all seriousness and attachments disappear, what remains is love.