Over the years I’ve been trying to understand what is it that destroys the love that exists between a man and a woman. When two lovers meet for the first time, something transpires between them. They are both possessed by some energy which brings them so close together that they almost feel like they are united for a lifetime.
The moment of love is the moment of oneness. Unfortunately, this oneness does not seem to last for a long time. Suddenly, things go wrong between these two individuals that seemed like great lovers at one point.
A lot of us wonder why this happens. Almost always, we try to blame our partners, and of course, there are a thousand and one reasons why the love between two people ends.
Through my own experiences in life, I have come to understand that there are only two reasons why the love between two individuals is destroyed.
1) Fear of Temporariness
2) Hope for Permanence
Fear of temporariness:
When we go through a breakup or a divorce, we can say that our partner cheated on us, or perhaps they didn’t behave in a certain way, or they didn’t care about us as much as we wanted them to and so on – these are all superficial reasons.
Basically, the reason why a loving relationship is destroyed is because of our fear that it may end someday. The moment you fall in love with someone, your mind is such that it wants to possess the other person.
It doesn’t matter whether it is an object or a human being, the mind is a possessor.
The moment the idea arises that you would like to possess something especially a human being, immediately, in that moment, a certain fear arises that this person may not be there in the long run.
This fear that love may not last; or that it may remain just for a temporary period of time is what makes us cling and possess.
Every decision that comes out of our possessiveness destroys love because no human being can be possessed. You can possess a car, a home, or a certain piece of clothing, but a human being? Not at all!
Hope for Permanence:
The hope that love should stay permanently is the same as what we discussed earlier. I have labelled them separately just for emphasis, but basically, they are both the same.
Hope is just as much dangerous as fear is. You perhaps may have been told by people that hope is a great feeling, but hope is just a way of repressing fear. A person who is full of fear uses hope in order to feel better.
Hope is a certain expectation in the future. The problem is that the future does not exist. If the future existed, then hope would have been useful. Unfortunately, this hope that a loving relationship should last for a lifetime is what destroys it.
A person who has attained to maturity realises that in life, neither fear nor hope is of any use. As a matter of fact, both are simply reflections of each other. Seeing the entire absurdity of it, the individual lets go of both fear and hope and simply loves.
When you really love a person why bother about whether they are going to be there in the future or not? Is your love so impotent that it cannot stand on its own?
A person who has understood this has understood the love that all mystics down the ages have been talking about. The experience of love that Jesus, Buddha, or any other sage has had can be your experience as well if you are ready to give up your cowardice and face every experience in life without any fear or hope.
Understanding this liberates you. Love then, neither becomes temporary, nor permanent. Love is then experienced as timelessness.
Remember that true love is always timeless. Timelessness has nothing to do with permanence, although both the words may look synonymous. Timelessness means to lose track of time completely and simply melt into the experience of love. When two lovers melt into each other with total trust, love then becomes one of the most transforming forces in existence.