I recently came across a small excerpt from one of J Krishnamurti’s books which spoke about being sentimental in love. It was hardly a paragraph long and yet so insightful. I too have been in that place where I had become sentimental in love.
We all have, at some point, been in that place where we developed intense emotions towards a certain person. Those emotions, and sentiments which we felt for that person is what we misinterpreted as love.
Love is beautiful when we understand it for what it is. The moment we misunderstand love and start giving it our own meanings, love becomes toxic. In fact, there can be nothing more toxic in the world than love that is misunderstood.
All of this makes us wonder: what does it then mean to be in love. Because we have only understood love through our state of being emotional and sentimental, we do not know what it feels like to just be in love.
Falling in Love:
There are two ways in which people prefer to express their love. The first way is to fall. A majority of the people in the world fall in love. If your entire standpoint in life is based on emotions and sentiments, then your love will be expressed to another by falling for them.
In fact, that is the only way in which you can express your love – by falling. Let us try to understand what it means to fall. A man or a woman who is emotional or sentimental constantly feel as though they are going to lose something. They are constantly on guard. There is no relaxation for them because the moment they relax, who knows, the thing which they long for can be taken away from them.
These are what sentiments and emotions are like. They make you feel down. They make you feel tense, tired and exhausted. Now all of these feelings take control of every aspect of your life in subtle ways. Love is also included in it.
Therefore, the moment you see a beautiful man, or a woman you immediately fall. Something in the man or woman has triggered a certain emotion or sentiment inside of you. Now, you do everything you can in order to satisfy those emotions and sentiments. You start doing all sorts of crazy things. Have you watched how the actor in a movie does crazy things when he falls in love with the actress?
You go to the theatre and watch these people and say to yourself, “Wow! I wish I could have a man like that” Such crazy men and women only look good on the screen. The moment you experience one of these clowns in real life, then you will know the wrath of love.
Being in Love:
This is the second way of expressing your love. In fact, it would be wrong to say that it is the second way. In fact, it is the only way. The first kind of love only appears to be love, but it isn’t. Just as a plastic flower appears to be beautiful from a distance, in the same way, false love as well appears beautiful from a distance. In fact, false love can be more beautiful than real love sometimes.
The flowers made out of synthetic material can be made the way you want them to be made. You can give them whatever colour you want. You can take away their thorns. you can surround them with beautiful lighting and so on. False love can be made beautiful in every way because it has no beauty of its own.
Love that is authentic is beautiful in itself. Its beauty need not be enhanced by making amendments to it. A mystic is a person who understands this kind of love.
In understanding this authentic nature of love, he simply dwells in it. He doesn’t try to mould, fix or enhance love in any way. This is what it means to be in love. To be in love is the only right way of expressing love, because, in being, your ego does not interfere with love. It allows love to be exactly the way it is.
Love Makes a man Holy, not sentimental:
Out of this beingness of love, every action taken becomes full of love. Every gesture, every move, every expression becomes full of life. When a human being comes to this state we refer to him as a God, although he is not anybody special. The only difference between a man who falls in love and a man who is love is that the former has his love expressing itself through his sentimental nature, whereas, the latter is expressing love without any filter.
This is what I call mystic love. The mystic way of love is the only authentic expression of love. The love of Jesus Christ, the compassion of Buddha, or the beauty of Krishna arises out of being in love. We call these people holy men, but we do not see that we too have the same possibility to be holy.
To be holy is to BE in love. To be unholy is to fall in love. If this simple yet basic truth is understood, then everything falls into place.
A man should do all he can to annihilate sentiments and emotions. We come across various situations in life which trigger certain emotions in us. There is no need to fight with these emotions or sentiments. All you need to do is simply watch and recognise them for what they are.
Once you have recognised a stone as a stone, there is no need to carry it anymore, simply drop it. In fact, even that would be a lot of effort. You would not even have to drop the stone if you recognise it as a stone. The mere recognition of the stone loosens your grip with no effort on your part and the stone falls to the ground.
Your sentiments and emotions are like stones which you are carrying. Understanding them will help you to drop them. The stones are then no more. You then have the privilege to be the proud owner of love.