Most of us have often wondered or perhaps, have been asked whether love at first sight exists. Years ago, I never had an answer to that question, neither do I have an answer to it today. What I do have though is a perspective which I’d like to share.
There are certain things in life which cannot be understood directly. Moreover, a lot of questions do not have direct answers. This question about love is one such question. Whether Love at first sight exists or not cannot be answered directly.
First of all, to understand love at first sight, you need to understand what love is. To a man who has no idea of what love is, love at first sight will be nothing more than an infatuation.
Love does not Calculate:
The first understanding that one needs to have about love is that love does not calculate. Love is not a thing that is planned. Ordinarily, all marriages in the world are arranged marriages. Even a love marriage is nothing but a sophisticated version of an arranged marriage.
In an arranged marriage, the parents arrange the marriage, whereas, in love marriages, two lovers arrange the marriage.
What does it mean to arrange a marriage? To arrange means to calculate. To arrange means to look for the pros and cons of marrying a person. It means to look for every detail of a person who somehow fits your idea of what an ideal marriage or a love affair should look like.
Therefore, for a person who is very calculative in terms of love, understanding the real meaning of love is very difficult.
love at first sight is a sudden happening. It is a sort of instant communication between two people on a very subtle level. When two lover’s meet something instantly clicks. To the rest of the world it may seem like just pure infatuation, but only the two lovers know what has happened.
As I see it, love at first sight is the only love that exists purely because of its innocence. When you suddenly fall in love with someone it is not something planned. It is not two people trying to arrange something. It is not two people trying to be “Just friends” and then seeing where the “just friends” relationship takes them.
The very fact that you want to be just friends, or get to know someone better and then decide whether you love the person shows that you are calculating.
Love is Like Intuition:
Love does not calculate in any way. It is instant. Love is like intuition. In fact, love can happen only to people who are intuitive. Intuitive people live from the heart. Ordinary, so-called lovers live from the head.
For ordinary lovers, only tomorrow exists, whereas, for the intuitive person; for the person who lives from the heart, only today exists.
This is why, for the rest of the world, a person who has fallen in love with somebody at first sight may seem crazy. It may seem like infatuation, but the person who has fallen in love does not know what has happened. He or she wasn’t expecting to fall in love.
The Search of A Lover:
A lover does not expect, seek, or search for his beloved but simply stumbles upon the beloved. Even if a lover seeks for his beloved, the seeking is something deep. It is not the ordinary search of a man or a woman trying to find a perfect mate whom they could live with forever, happily ever after.
The search of a lover is like the search of the divine. The lover searches for the beloved in the same way that the divine searches for that one sheep that has gone astray. Therefore, when an individual searches for his beloved, in his heart, there is no anguish. There is no pain, sadness or tears. Even if there are tears, the tears are not tears of anguish or mourning. The tears are tears of joy.
Only such a person who has understood this kind of love knows exactly what love at first sight is.
For Love at First Sight to Happen…:
For love at first sight, to happen, you first need to be a lover yourself. You need to have the qualities of a lover in you. You need to have spent years loving your own self. Only then, you will come across another soul that is just as loving as you are.
When two loving souls meet for the first time, their hearts are immensely synchronous with each other. There is no question of whether love exists or not. For them, love simply is. Everything else is non-existent except for love.
That is why, love, at first sight, happens very rarely. Just a few blessed people in the world are fortunate enough to experience this deep connection that is beyond all intellect and reason.
Love at First Sight is mutual:
Another thing to understand about love at first sight is that it is mutual. If you have simply fallen in love with somebody without them feeling the same for you, then it cannot be love at first sight. Love is a dialogue. It is a communion that happens between two people.
Hence, a love that is one sided cannot be love at first sight. Therefore, people should avoid watching movies, because the makers of a movie themselves do not know what love is. I have seen so many movies where the actor is madly in love with the actress. The entire film consists of the actor chasing after the actress and then finally, even the actress feels bad. Just to not come off as arrogant or self-obsessed, the actress says yes, and the movie is over.
All love stories end where marriage begins, because if the reality is shown, then the movie won’t be successful.
Get Out of Your Fantasies:
If you really want to understand love at first sight, you first need to get out of all kinds of fantasies. We all have had that one friend who would fall in love with a new girl every day. Now, this is not love at first sight. This is simply your hormones playing jumping jacks inside your system.
The moment your hormones stop going crazy, your love at first sight will completely disappear. Most people who say they believe in love at first sight are simply horny. Love at first sight happens in a state of complete relaxation. When there is no hurry to find the lover, when your desire for passion is not active, but just passive; when there is no desire but just a deep longing to become one with someone, only then you will know what love at first sight is.
Love at first sight does not necessarily mean that a relationship has to end in romance. Love at first sight simply means that a certain person struck a chord inside your heart ever since the first day you saw them, or communicated with them. Just the presence of a particular person gives you a certain feeling of coming home. Just being there with someone makes you feel comfortable and at ease. The other person feels the same too.
You have just met a person and yet, words cannot describe how you feel about them. Therefore, love at first sight has a lot of aspects to it which you may not understand. Love at first sight does not mean that you immediately fall in love. No, that is not what I mean when I say love at first sight. When I say love at first sight I basically mean that at first glance, or the first time you meet a person, something transpired between the two of you.
That connection may not be something which you may be able to interpret in the beginning, but eventually, as time goes by, if it culminates into love, you would know, that it was indeed love at first sight.