Why are people afraid of Love?

There are thousands of things in the world that make life beautiful but none of them can be compared with love. Love is the ultimate bliss that life makes possible to man. Unfortunately, for most of us, love has proven to be a bitter experience to say the least. Falling in love seems almost like getting oneself into unnecessary problems. This is why most people settle down for substitutes.

One thing is certain that man and woman cannot live without love. Therefore, if love does not happen between human beings, then people start creating substitutes. When I say that you create substitutes, what I mean is that you start associating love with things which are mostly materialistic.

People use the word love when talking about materials. What do they mean when they say, I love food, I love wine, I love football, I love playing video games and so on? The list of things that we love is endless. We are living in a strange world where people fall in love with everything but human beings.

Why does this happen? That is exactly what I will be discussing in today’s article.

  • The Higher and Lower Forces:

A human being at every stage of his life is being pulled continuously by two kinds of forces: The lower and higher. The lower forces have a great impact on man’s life because they force man to live in mediocrity. To live in mediocrity is very simple because we are used to living like that since the time we are born. Mystics say that we have been living like that for lifetimes.

Therefore people easily get addicted to drugs, alcohol, and all kinds of things that make life more mediocre. Mediocrity is comfort, but comfort brings death. Thousands of people in the world choose to live a mediocre life because in mediocrity there is no challenge involved.

Love is the greatest challenge there is because in love one rises to the ultimate peaks. Love is a higher force that keeps pulling man upwards. The problem is that people are afraid of heights. Phobia of heights is not only a fear of physical heights, but also metaphysical heights as far as the spiritual world is concerned.

Being afraid of heights is a phobia that exists in every person because the higher you go in life, the greater is the danger. Love is challenging because in love there is a fear of falling down.

  • The Fear of Death:

Love is the ultimate death. The physical death does not take away much from a man apart from his body. Love, on the other hand, takes everything from you that had value. One of the greatest treasures that love takes away from you is your ego. The ego is not really a treasure, but the fact that so many of us cling to it is what makes the ego seem so attractive.

People would rather die than let go of their ego – this is the problem. You can either have one of the two things. You can choose love and give up the ego or vice-versa. From what I have observed, a majority of the people in the world choose the ego. They then start playing with toys. They start associating love with all kinds of toys.

They fall in love with non-existential things. The beauty of falling in love with food, cars, video games and all of these things is that they do not respond back to you. Some people fall in love with pets because pets can be controlled. You cannot control a man or a woman like you can control a pet.

  • In love, all fantasies disappear:

In love, all fantasies disappear which is why people are afraid of love. When you are far away from a man or a woman your mind can imagine a thousand and one things. It can make even an average looking woman seem sexy. Even a man that is not attractive in any way can have you drooling because the way people present themselves and the way they really are, are two completely different things altogether.

To just be infatuated by external beauty is simple but the real challenge is to live with a person who is full of flaws. The truth is that all human beings are full of flaws. You will rarely come across a human being that is flawless. The entire art of love lies in recognising that one quality in a person in the midst of hundreds of flaws.

The light of one candle no matter how small can light thousands of candles. In the same way, that one quality that exists in a human being is enough to transform the entire person if you love him.

  • When you love a person…

When you love a person, even a thousand flaws don’t matter because love is the ultimate alchemy there is. If your love is true, then the person who you love will become one of the most perfect human beings because love only knows perfection.

Perfection is the language of love. Love knows no such thing as imperfection. I have heard a lot of people tell me that they have tried loving a person and the person did not change at all. That is right. Your love may not necessarily change another person but it definitely changes a lot of things in you.

Therefore, In my own life, I have always tried to love as much as I could without being concerned about the other person. Yes, the other person may change as a result of my love, but my intention was not to change the other person. The joy of loving another person is not the fact that the person may change as a result of your love. If that is the case, then your love will become goal oriented.

If you are seeking to change another person by your love, then your love will become a forced love. Forced love is more worse than hate. When you force love, you are not really loving instead you are trying to prove yourself superior to the other person.

  • Observing Nature, You will Understand what Love is:

Nature is the greatest master that man can ever surrender to. An individual who can carefully observe nature will learn everything that life has to teach. All the religious scriptures of the world are nothing compared to this vast existence itself. This existence is the greatest scripture of the world… far more valuable and profound than your Quran, Gita or Bible.

If you ever observe nature, you will notice that it never forces love. For example, a tree bears hundreds of fruits but it stays where it is. It does not go from one person to another trying to force them to eat its fruit.

Similarly, a river keeps flowing but it does not force anybody to drink from it. If anybody needs water, the river is always available and open. That is how love is. Love is an open phenomenon.

Love is the only celebration where no invitations are sent, but everybody is welcome to the party. If someone does not participate in the celebration, love does not feel sad. Do you think just because you’ve not eaten a fruit from a particular tree that the tree feels sad? I don’t think so. The tree goes on dancing whether you eat its fruit or not. The apple tree won’t feel jealous if you eat a mango from a neighbouring tree. In that sense, trees seem to be far more sensible and compassionate than human beings.

  • Forced love always places the blame on another:

As human beings we always want to force ourselves on others. In that very attempt to force love, love is destroyed. You then place the blame on the other person. You make the other person feel like a victim just because they couldn’t participate in your love. This is simply illogical and foolish.

Love never blames the other person. Love gives itself totally, but never expects the same from the other. This attitude of not forcing itself on another person is what gives love its beauty. The entire process of transformation that happens in love lies in the fact that love is very simple.

  • Final words:

When you love, don’t think in terms of changing the other person. When you love, simply love and you will see that a lot of things start to happen which seemed almost impossible.

If your love is goal oriented, then you will immediately become afraid because that goal may not be fulfilled. A fear will arise in you and you will avoid every opportunity to fall in love.

When you love, keep all your expectations, fears and cowardice aside and drown yourself in the experience completely. One thing is certain that as a result of deep love, whether the other person transforms or not, your life will certainly be transformed.

Also, if you’re single don’t think that love is not possible for you. In fact, love is the only possibility there is for a person who is alone. When you have a partner, your love is confined to a single human being, it is addressed. When you’re single, your love is neither confined nor addressed – this gives your love a certain vastness. Out of this vastness, if a human being happens to participate in your love, it will be one of the greatest feeling ever.

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